The reason behind the alias, OUTCASTxNOMAD

People were questioning then why I chose the combined outcast and nomad as an alias, signature and username of the so many words in the dictionary. One asked if it was based from RomeoxJuliette. To tell you, it isn’t. It actually came from hunterxhunter – Just the name, okay? A friend used to have that as an e-mail address, I think. Or sort of that. And that was where the “x” came from.

Nomad came from “nomadic”, a username I use in some forums. It was summer in 2009 when I came across the word that would definitely define my online activity; And that was “nomadic”. You see, if you try to recollect the topics you had in Social Studies focusing on ancient people, you’ll surely encounter the word, “nomad” that would define people who keeps on moving from one place to another in search for their basic needs. Why ‘nomad’? I didn’t have an online hub that time. Friendster was in the trash bin with flies flying all over it. I was too lazy to think of anything to write on my journal. Forums were TOO crowded already that people tend not to see even just a mark of your footprint. It was hard getting along with people especially when you have different views on certain things. And so, like what a nomad does.. I went from one site to another. When I felt comfortable about the place, I stayed in there. When I was bored as hell, I find a different sanctuary again.

Why ‘outcast’? It’s self explanatory. When does a person become an outcast? I feel that way every time. Especially in the place I am most of the time – school. I feel as if I don’t belong in that institution. I mean, I am under the curriculum of SSC and I just can’t seem to meet the expectations of the teachers and even my mother and sister. My family has this mindset that yours truly is somewhat knowledgeable. They are so wrong. Very wrong. I am not what my family thinks I am. I really shouldn’t have taken the entrance examination of that curriculum ‘cause as far as I know, I am not good in Science. I was in the Top 15 (I wouldn’t forget) of the entrance examination then. But look, the ones excelling now are the ones below the Top 15. The institution should have made harder questions. Really. So I shouldn’t have entered in SSC. So I would be in the Regular Class with less pressure and more time for myself. Maybe now, I should have gained self confidence. Not like this. People don’t tell me directly that I am such the black sheep; But I can feel it. I can see it. I just know. I am dumb but I am not too dumb to know even just the slightest thing.

That’s not just the main reason of me being an outcast. Since I do not socialize with people around me, I feel that way again. Why would I socialize with people who couldn’t understand me AT ALL. People who quite know me knows I’m a homebody. They know how unfriendly I am towards people who gets in the way of what I say. So when my friends aren’t around, I’d rather not go ‘cause I would just be melting because no one would talk to me. And that makes me an outcast.

Ugh. I know how messy I explain. But please do read it between the lines.

The reason behind the alias, OUTCASTxNOMAD

People were questioning then why I chose the combined outcast and nomad as an alias, signature and username of the so many words in the dictionary. One asked if it was based from RomeoxJuliette. To tell you, it isn’t. It actually came from hunterxhunter – Just the name, okay? A friend used to have that as an e-mail address, I think. Or sort of that. And that was where the “x” came from.

Nomad came from “nomadic”, a username I use in some forums. It was summer in 2009 when I came across the word that would definitely define my online activity; And that was “nomadic”. You see, if you try to recollect the topics you had in Social Studies focusing on ancient people, you’ll surely encounter the word, “nomad” that would define people who keeps on moving from one place to another in search for their basic needs. Why ‘nomad’? I didn’t have an online hub that time. Friendster was in the trash bin with flies flying all over it. I was too lazy to think of anything to write on my journal. Forums were TOO crowded already that people tend not to see even just a mark of your footprint. It was hard getting along with people especially when you have different views on certain things. And so, like what a nomad does.. I went from one site to another. When I felt comfortable about the place, I stayed in there. When I was bored as hell, I find a different sanctuary again.

Why ‘outcast’? It’s self explanatory. When does a person become an outcast? I feel that way every time. Especially in the place I am most of the time – school. I feel as if I don’t belong in that institution. I mean, I am under the curriculum of SSC and I just can’t seem to meet the expectations of the teachers and even my mother and sister. My family has this mindset that yours truly is somewhat knowledgeable. They are so wrong. Very wrong. I am not what my family thinks I am. I really shouldn’t have taken the entrance examination of that curriculum ‘cause as far as I know, I am not good in Science. I was in the Top 15 (I wouldn’t forget) of the entrance examination then. But look, the ones excelling now are the ones below the Top 15. The institution should have made harder questions. Really. So I shouldn’t have entered in SSC. So I would be in the Regular Class with less pressure and more time for myself. Maybe now, I should have gained self confidence. Not like this. People don’t tell me directly that I am such the black sheep; But I can feel it. I can see it. I just know. I am dumb but I am not too dumb to know even just the slightest thing.

That’s not just the main reason of me being an outcast. Since I do not socialize with people around me, I feel that way again. Why would I socialize with people who couldn’t understand me AT ALL. People who quite know me knows I’m a homebody. They know how unfriendly I am towards people who gets in the way of what I say. So when my friends aren’t around, I’d rather not go ‘cause I would just be melting because no one would talk to me. And that makes me an outcast.

Ugh. I know how messy I explain. But please do read it between the lines.

i'm a YunJae baby. <3<3<3