posted at 7:32 PM
Tuesday, June 29, 2010
I’m hopeless. I’m a failure.
People who have heard those words uttered by my dear mouth may say, “Oh, did she say that again?” or, “Is she being overly emotional again?” YES. I am sternly saying it. I AM. This life has given me so many thoughts to ponder, so many failures to cry at night and so many people who don’t care.
I’m dying inside. I’m dying of embarrassment, of thinking of what way am I going to survive another day. Sometimes I just laugh at myself trying to ease my depression. I am in no way deserving of any happiness in this world. I’m a total crap. Garbage. I am not regretting any single word I’m saying now. I just can’t bear this anymore. If only God could take my life now, I’ll be willing, wholeheartedly to give Him my all just to justify the life He gave me. I would like to return to Him this early rather than continue this life not worth living for. I do nothing good. I don’t bring home awards and medals from school. Therefore, I’m a senseless person. I’ve been trying to ask myself what one thing can I do to make me feel that I am as important as anyone else. What can I say? NOTHING. ‘Cause I’m a bullshit. A certified one.
All the while I’m typing this, I couldn’t help but cry. Indeed, I’m a dumbass. What’s funny though is I’ve said all those things just because of my now mortal enemy, PHYSICS.